you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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