You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
