Im at strip club and am horny
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize