i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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