they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
