I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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