I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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