if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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