Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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