The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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