I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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