I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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