Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
