my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
