Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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