you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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