Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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