girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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