i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
