I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
