My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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