mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Acid is not a monday night drug
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My ass is underappreciated
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
