Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
