I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bring me that man meat
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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