He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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