I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
