he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
