I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
