to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
