I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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