All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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