I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
