No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
