The maid of honor just puked.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
