He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
These tits shall not be calmed
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
