is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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