I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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