He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
