i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize