I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
