This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
