"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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