If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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