I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
