So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
