Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
