my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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