I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
