I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
