My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
