Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
