careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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