I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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