Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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