were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
