if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize