it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
