someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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