when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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