Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
