Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
