I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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