k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
