i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
