its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
